Addiction and shame

The Wonders of the Internet As I was thinking out loud about my next post, my friend Sophie found this beautiful drawing on Tumblr, and drew it to my attention (huge thanks to Soph!). We quickly managed to trace ‘X. Lan’ – I think she is Vietnamese – and sent her a Facebook message asking […]

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Avoiding the pain……..

As promised at the end of my last post, I’ve been thinking about the way in which core shame affects us – what is the defining feature of our behaviour? Core shame is what Diana Fosha in her excellent book on emotions (The Transforming Power of Affect) calls an ‘aversive’ emotion – heat can be aversive […]

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When it’s not ok to be me

Self-compassion reminder I am aware that I spent a lot of time in my last post talking about things that can go wrong, but I wanted to prompt everyone who feels that they may be weighed down by core shame to think about the circumstances in which they came into the world, so as to […]

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What might make us feel that it’s not be ok to be me?

It is my belief that at the moment of conception, a seed is created – the unique ‘me’ that we have the potential to be – and that seed can fall onto all manner of different kinds of ground – both in the womb, and in the world. The seed may fall onto welcoming and […]

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It’s not ok to be me……… :(

I believe that ‘core shame’ (the name that I have decided to use for the severe kind of shame that most interests me), develops when, from our earliest days, we experience a growing fear that it is not ok to be who we are – a feeling that strikes at the very core of our […]

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The eyes have it…….I think…….

As I suggested at the end of my last post, I want to begin by talking about deep shame – the all-encompassing kind that seems to have its roots at the very beginning of our existence in the world – and my sense is that this has a lot to do with eyes. I have […]

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Why shame?

     A ‘schandemaske’, or ‘mask of shame’ – this one has the nose of a pig. Throughout the German-speaking world in Medieval times, people who committed certain kinds of social mistakes were obliged to parade through the town wearing such masks. As you can see from the mask above, shame has been around for […]

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Dipping a toe in the cyberwater

I embarked upon this project with great enthusiasm, and huge ideas about what I wanted to do, only to fall at the first hurdle – I couldn’t get my head around the technology so I abandoned it, and spent the last two months stuck in the mud wondering how to proceed. I then decided to […]

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